Unchosen (Chosen #2) Read online

  “Oh, he is wonderful, as usual,” I replied.

  “Well, I am looking forward to coming into the city soon. I would love to hold that baby. My grandkids are getting so old and oh, how I miss holding the little ones,” she said.

  “Hmm… It sure does go fast,” I replied, slightly flat. I felt like a robot.

  “Lizzie? Is everything alright? You sound different this morning,” she asked concerned.

  “I am good, Lou Anne. Just busy, you know,” I replied.

  “Tell me, dear. I always tell you the details of my boring life. What did you do this weekend?” she asked.

  I thought about Nick. That kiss. I looked at the photo of Niall and his cute baby blue outfit that had dogs all over it. I wondered if Nick liked dogs. Did he plan to call me after we monumentally screwed up our friendship this weekend? Did we screw up our friendship? Should I call him?

  “Lizzie?” she asked.

  “Oh, I am sorry, Lou Anne. I was calling to see if you have given any more thought to transferring your retirement plans and annuities over to our firm. I know we spoke about it a few weeks ago and I just wanted to get a sense of your concerns,” I said in the most professional voice I could muster.

  “Lizzie. You know I am transferring the accounts. Set up the paperwork and it’s yours to handle. Now, enough about that. Tell me what is going on, honey,” she said in the most grandmotherly voice.

  My eyes started to tear up and I held in a choking sob.

  “Oh, Mrs. Crayton. I am in a real predicament. I met this guy and he is wonderful and I think I messed up our friendship. I don’t know what to do. He loves hanging out with me and he seeks out any information about me and Niall. He even rubbed his back this weekend, and then he said he has feelings, and oh my God, I can’t believe I am telling you this!” I said in shock.

  “Honey, I have been waiting for you to tell me more about your life. Managing my money is one thing but you and I talk more than I do with my own kids,” she said warmly. “Now, tell me about this gentleman.”

  For half an hour, I purged everything to Mrs. Crayton. Occasionally, I was excited and sometimes, I whined. She just listened and hummed in the right places. A senior advisor poked in my office and gave me a questioning look. I was spilling my guts to a client and holy shit, I was spilling my guts to a client!

  “Lizzie, you need to call Nick. Tell him how you honestly feel about him, and for God sakes, enjoy your youth. Even though you have that baby doesn’t mean you are an old fart like me,” she said. “Now, I have to run off to bridge. You call that man. Then send over the paperwork.”

  We hung up and I gave an exasperated sigh. Well, I got her accounts. That was good but that conversation did nothing to ease my worries about my personal life. I needed to get a grip.

  At eleven am, my cell phone rang and I didn’t recognize the number. I knew it was Freddie. I let it ring, debating on whether or not I wanted to go down this road. Did I want to know what was going on with Teagan? Would he even bring him up? On the last ring, I pressed the enter key.

  “Hello?” I asked.

  “Lizzie, it’s Freddie,” he said in a hushed voice.

  “Why are you whispering?” I asked, perplexed.

  “I have a cubicle. I don’t want everyone to hear. Can you meet for lunch?” he asked.

  No, no, no, no, no.

  “Sure, where and when?” I asked, throwing my arm over my eyes. I was going straight to hell.

  “Let’s meet at that Irish pub we used to eat at in Downtown Crossing. Is 12:30 okay?” he asked.

  “Sure, that sounds good. I will be there,” I said.

  “Great. I can’t wait. I am so glad you are meeting me,” Freddie said with a smile in his voice.

  “Me too, Freddie,” I said.

  I was so nervous I couldn’t concentrate on anything. I started to put the forms together for Mrs. Crayton’s transfers and went over the statements she had given me but none of the financial holdings were making any sense. I finally groaned and called my mother to ask about Niall. She didn’t answer. I wanted to call Nick but I couldn’t bring myself to dump anymore shit on him. I figured, since all I heard was radio silence from him that he didn’t want anything to do with me anyway.

  Five minutes before I was to meet Freddie, I headed off the elevator and out into the blustery wind. It was bone chilling cold and I was already dreading the three block hike to the pub. I put my head down into my black pea coat and avoided colliding with people on the sidewalk by focusing on legs. When I got to the door of the pub, I saw Freddie standing up at the hostess station, talking to one of the pretty brunettes there. This was a bad idea. He looked good. His hair was perfectly done and his large black coat hugged his frame in a way that screamed Irish. I was mesmerized by the smiles he gave the hostess and the memories of his smile on me. He looked good during the winter time. I remembered him in hurling clothes and summer attire. This was a whole different Freddie.

  I pushed through the door as he looked up to see me. I gave him a small smile and wave and he was instantly drawing me into a huge hug. I recognized his familiar scent and his warm Irish accent on my cheek as he said, “Hey, Lizzie.” He pulled away from me and looked me up and down. “You look different,” he said. I suddenly could feel Teagan’s presence. He was here, too. This thick Irish accent and that familiar scent brought me back to the apartment. I forced it out of my mind and reminded myself I wasn’t that girl anymore.

  “So do you. Look at you, all professional,” I said, poking him in the arm.

  He grinned at me widely and turned to face the hostess. “My girl is here, so I guess we are ready,” he said. I loved hearing his endearment for me. Freddie always made me feel special.

  The hostess looked at me with a whole lot of revulsion. Yes, Freddie was an excellent looking guy and his accent was fucking sexy. His curly jet black hair and green eyes would take any woman’s breath away. Throw his thick Irish accent in the mix and panties probably were dropping all over Boston. While I found him attractive, I learned two years ago he and I didn’t have a romantic connection. Actually, I didn’t have a connection because I was in way too deep with Teagan. Looking around the bustling restaurant, I decided this ranked as one of the top five most awkward lunch dates ever. I would have given anything for any other woman to take my place at that very moment. Another mantra started in my mind. Don’t think about Teagan. Don’t talk about Teagan. Focus on lunch. Was that a big white elephant in the corner over there?

  We squeezed into a small booth and both ordered sodas. Freddie pulled off his coat and took me in. His blue button up shirt accentuated his black hair and the freckles on his nose. Deep down, I really did miss Freddie. He had been a good friend even through everything.

  “Why do you look so different?” he asked, bewildered. “There is something about you. What has changed?”

  “Well, I work here in Boston now so I have to dress professionally every day. I think the last time we hung out, you just saw me in tank tops and sandals.” I giggled.

  “No, it isn’t the clothes,” he replied.

  “I, uh, grew out my hair?” I asked, hoping he wouldn’t mention I had gained weight.

  “Maybe that’s it. You just look older.” He shrugged.

  “Oh, thanks a lot,” I barked out.

  “No, no, I didn’t mean that. You just look more mature, more grown up,” he said thoughtfully. He put his hands up in surrender.

  Well, being a full time working mother will add a little maturity to your life, I thought. Dumb ass. I decided to change the subject. I needed to change the subject.

  “So how do you like Boston in the winter?” I asked, taking the soda from the waitress.

  “It’s good. It’s good. I have made a lot of friends through work and have a small apartment near where the lads and I used to live. I tried to get in touch with you through your family, but they said you had moved out,” he said.

  So, my family didn’t tell me Freddie had cal
led. Interesting. Not that I blamed them but a heads up would have been nice. “Yes, I moved into my own apartment outside the city. It’s cozy. I like it,” I said.

  We sat there for a long moment, just looking at each other. Freddie shook his head and sighed.

  “Lizzie, the way we left things. I just felt so bad. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to make sure everything was alright. God, that night was awful,” he said solemnly. He was right. That was awful. I can clearly remember seeing Teagan kissing his girlfriend, Moira, from Ireland in the bar. I can remember screaming at him for lying to me, for getting me pregnant and making it my choice about what to do with the baby. I remember the emptiness. I remember the dark.

  “Yeah, that wasn’t one of my finer moments,” I said, trying to brush off the cringe I felt. “How are the guys? Do you still keep in touch with them?” I needed to sound light and like nothing about that summer hurt me any longer.

  Freddie shook his head. “No, after we left university, we all went our separate ways,” he said.

  I nodded and thanked the good lord above he had no idea where Teagan was. I did not want to start picturing him in bed with Moira, making love and whispering his undying love for her.

  “I saw Teagan a few months back,” he said. His eyes flicked from mine to the straw on the table. I gasped. My heart started beating so hard I couldn’t breathe. I looked at him in shock and couldn’t say a word. “I guess you didn’t want me to mention him, huh?” he asked.

  “Um, no, it’s fine. I just thought that, you know, you weren’t really friends after what happened that night,” I said.

  “Oh, we are not friends. Teagan is a piece of shit. I can’t stand him. But I did see him at a local pub in Cork a few months ago and he was drunk. He started talking about Boston and our summer here.” Freddie shook his head. “Bastard.”

  I nodded and gave him a weak smile. “It’s all in the past, Freddie. Things have drastically changed for me and I am enjoying life,” I said. Bull shit, Lizzie. Bull shit.

  “Yeah, well, I mentioned I was coming here and going to look you up. He became out of sorts when I mentioned your name and quickly ended our talk. Then, he left with some other lads and went to another pub,” he said, shrugging.

  I hummed and took another drink from my soda. I did not want to hear about Teagan’s drunken nights in Cork. “Well, it was so nice you thought of me, Freddie. Don’t worry about what happened. Everything is just really great now.”

  He smiled at me and I smiled back. Feeling the white elephant suddenly make an exit from the room, I started to breathe easily. We talked about the work he was doing and I told him about how I got into financial advising. We ate soup and chuckled about some of the old times we had back when he was living in Boston with the guys. The lunch date effortlessly became enjoyable the more we talked. I had to admit to myself there were good times that summer.

  Perhaps, I had been focusing too much on what went wrong. This lunch made me think that it had been a special summer after all. It felt like there was some curtain of closure that fell while I had lunch with Freddie. He didn’t like Teagan and that made me feel super fucking good. Sure, Freddie didn’t know the whole story but just by hanging out with him, I felt a full circle. He was the next best thing to bringing back those moments when I was in love with Teagan, in love with that summer, and perhaps, in love with the person I was then. I was wild and fun and took a chance on having my heart broken. As we finished up lunch, he asked if we could hang out again soon.

  “There is this band that is playing on Friday,” he said. “Will you go with me?”

  I thought about Niall. One thing for sure, Freddie could never find out about Niall. “Well, actually, I have this family thing. I won’t be able to go out Friday. Saturday, I am playing with my brother’s band in Allston. We have been working on this song and he wants me to sit in on it,” I said. Thank God Mom and Dad had already volunteered to take Niall for the night.

  “No way! So you are still playing the guitar?” he asked. He started to air strum and I laughed at his antics.

  “Yeah.” I smiled. “I love playing the guitar. There is something so soothing about it. I am a little nervous about the stage but it should be fun anyways. You should come. We go on at ten.”

  I took a pen out of my purse and wrote the name of the bar on a napkin.

  “Cool,” he said as he looked at it. “I would love to see you play again.”

  Freddie walked me back to work and kissed me on the cheek before heading back out into the cold day. I was pleasantly surprised about how easy it was to see him and I felt a renewed sense of belonging in the world. Teagan was only one person in the world who didn’t give a damn about me and he lived thousands of miles and an ocean away. As I walked into the elevator, I took out my cell phone to turn the ringer back on. One missed call from Nick. No voicemail.

  FOURTEEN

  I debated calling Nick back all day. Normally, he would leave me silly voicemails but since we hadn’t spoken in a few days, I am sure he didn’t have anything dire or funny to tell me. He was reaching out to me, though in some way and I couldn’t ignore that. When I got Niall home and fed that night, I dialed his number and held my breath.

  He answered on the second ring.

  “Hi, Lizzie,” he said in his warm, rich voice. Oh, how I loved the sound of his voice in my ear. It was so comforting and sexy. It made my heart bounce out of my chest.

  “Nick,” I stated. “I saw you called earlier.”

  “Yeah, I did.” He paused for a moment. “I just… wanted to see how you were doing.”

  “I’m good. And you?” I asked.

  “Fine. Everything’s fine. Listen, things got out of hand this weekend and I have been thinking a lot,” he said.

  “No, Nick. Please don’t apologize. I care about you more than you might realize. I haven’t stopped thinking about what happened either and I just… I just.” I stopped, not knowing what the hell I wanted to say.

  “Listen, Lizzie. You were clear you didn’t want to be in a relationship, and shit, I have been dating all these other women. I don’t know what you must think of me right now,” he said in a rush.

  “I don’t feel bad or anything, Nick. I want you to have fun. I like that we are friends and it would be very painful if that went away. I mean, I enjoyed the kiss,” I said. Shit, why the hell did I just say that?

  “I did, too,” he whispered.

  A moment of silence stretched between us. I started to giggle at the absurdity. This wasn’t us. We were always comfortable with each other.

  He barked out a nervous laugh.

  “So, how was your date?” I asked. We needed to get back to our easy friendship. I officially was in denial about our kiss. That uncomfortable exchange was over and done with.

  “It was actually good. I think I might like her. I mean, she is more down to earth than some of the other girls, you know?” he asked.

  A twinge of jealousy hit me in the chest and I quickly pushed it aside.

  “That’s good, Nick. I am pleased for you,” I said warmly.

  “So are we good then?” he asked. The apprehension in his voice made me want to crumble and just say, “No, we aren’t good. I want you but I don’t know how!” I didn’t though.

  “Yes. Absolutely. I want to be friends and you mean a lot to me. Let’s just get past this and go back to the way it was,” I said.

  “Good. Good. So, what are you up to?” he asked.

  “Just chilling. Niall and I are going to watch some TV and then I will probably hit the pillow. It was a long and tiring day,” I said.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  Oh shit. I had lunch with Freddie. Do I tell him? I decided on full disclosure.

  “I actually had lunch with Freddie. You know that guy you went to meet? He called and we met for lunch. It was very interesting. I don’t know. Something about the time with him was cathartic. I felt like I was able to start to forgive what happened to me,” I
said.

  He was silent.

  “I would like to tell you what happened sometime. I realized this weekend I am not sharing parts of my past that are ugly, and well, maybe you can help me move on from it,” I said, holding my breath.

  “Okay,” he said with a question in his voice.

  “Freddie was friends with Teagan. Roommates, actually. Freddie and I got close, but just as friends. He was there at the very end when everything went to shit. He is a solid guy. But, Nick? He doesn’t know about Niall. None of them do,” I said.

  “Seriously?” he asked surprised. “You didn’t tell him at lunch today?”

  “No,” I said. “I don’t want him to ever know. I don’t want it getting back to Teagan. He says they don’t talk anymore, and well, Freddie actually hates him. But no. I won’t tell him.”

  “Hmmm,” he replied.

  “Does that make me a bad person?” I asked.

  “Lizzie, you could never be a bad person. It just sounds like you are being protective. I see that,” he replied.

  “Yeah, I am being protective about everything,” I replied. When I said everything, I meant my heart.

  We ended our conversation a few minutes later, promising to have lunch that week to catch up. I felt better than I had in days. Nick was back to being a friend, Freddie and I were going to hang out like old times, and I was the luckiest mother in the world. Nothing could go wrong.

  That week, Mac Downey, the senior financial advisor in the office, called me into the break room where all the brokers stood to applaud me. I gave them a questioning look as I turned red as a lobster.

  “Lizzie, we are so excited you were able to bring in Mrs. Crayton’s account. The boys and I know how hard you worked for those accounts, so we are giving you a small bonus and a party,” Mac said.

  I looked at them dumbfounded. Yes, it was a lot of money to bring in but a bonus and a party?

  “You look shocked, Liz,” said one of my coworkers.

  “Well, it’s not as big as some of your accounts, guys. This is just a little unexpected,” I said.

  All of them started looking at each other very strange. I didn’t get it. Was I missing something? Mac came up to me and pulled me just outside the break room.