Unchosen (Chosen #2) Page 15

  I grabbed my phone and called Freddie.

  “Lizzie?” he answered.

  “Hey, Freddie,” I replied with a smile.

  “What’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in weeks. Is everything okay?”

  “I am having a little party. Well, it’s just me. Do you want to come over?” I giggled. I sounded pathetic even to myself.

  “Sure, I get out of work in thirty minutes. Give me your address,” he said. He sounded excited and I was never so ecstatic to give out my address to anyone in my life. I needed Freddie. He was so fun and carefree and he did care about me. He would be a great distraction. He and I would party, laugh and then we would have sex like animals. I was on board. I was totally on board with this new plan. Conner be damned, I was ready to drink the night away.

  Freddie arrived about three shots and two beers later. I threw a shot glass full of whiskey in his hand and then I was on top of him. “God, I missed you,” I said.

  Freddie kissed me back hard and I heard his moans and growls. He smelled so good. I wanted to eat him. “Lizzie, what happened to your apartment?” he asked, breaking the kiss to look around at the mess.

  “Aw, it’s nothing. My brother had a party and forgot to clean up,” I said, waving my hand around the place.

  “Do you want some help cleaning?” he asked.

  “No. I want you right now. This mess can wait until later,” I said and pulled him into my bedroom.

  Freddie grabbed me by my hips and began kissing the nape of my neck, murmuring how much he had missed me. His touch was amazing, beautiful, and it blocked all of the loss from my life. His lips on mine promised a night of making sweet love and I moaned at his touch on my breasts. There wasn’t any other place I wanted to be but with the Irish boy who had given me pleasure without any expectation.

  “Lizzie,” he breathlessly said. “Lizzie, there is a knock at the door.”

  “No, Freddie. Just leave it. I don’t care. I just want you. Please. Please ignore it,” I gasped.

  “Lizzie, they won’t go away. It’s been going on for a long time,” he said breathlessly.

  “Shit,” I spitted out. “Just go tell the motherfucker to leave us alone.”

  Freddie crawled out from the bed. His beautiful back was glistened in sweat and I marveled at how gorgeous he was in only his boxers. His kisses, his attention, he was what I needed. I heard the kitchen door open and then minutes later, the door slammed and I heard Freddie say something I couldn’t hear. I pulled out a cigarette and was about to light it when a large shadow stood in my doorway and I turned over. “Freddie, come back to bed.”

  “It’s not Freddie,” said an angry male voice. I grabbed the sheet to cover up my chest and sat up.

  “Who the fuck are you?” I asked. But I knew. It was Nick. Again. Coming to check up on me. Coming to make sure I wouldn’t fall apart. He came to my apartment because he had nowhere else to be but in my fucking business.

  “You don’t know who I am?” he growled.

  “Nick. You are Nick. Where is Freddie?” I asked sternly. Nick came and stood next to the bed. His fists were clenched at his sides and I could see the anger in his face.

  “What the hell are you doing, Lizzie?” he asked in pain.

  “What does it look like I am doing, Nick. I am having a party. Freddie and I were having a party and you seem to be the buzz kill that is going to break it up,” I snapped back. He shook his head and sighed.

  “Lizzie, your brother just died. Your apartment is a mess. You are a mess,” he softly said.

  “Oh yeah? And whose fault is that, Nick? No one fucking told me the party Conner left was at my fucking house. No one fucking told me I would be left here to clean up after my dead brother’s party. No one told me you would bring your fucking bitch girlfriend to the funeral today, so you will have to excuse me if I chose to have Freddie come over and give me a frigging distraction. I don’t fucking care what any of you think. Just fucking leave me alone and never ever contact me again,” I yelled.

  “Liz,” Freddie said from behind Nick. I looked up to see Freddie’s sad eyes on me.

  “Great. Now you know, Freddie. Well, let me give it to you straight, huh? This is my fucking life. Conner died. Oh, and I have a baby. It’s Teagan’s. Here is the kicker. Really, you have to hear this one. I just got back from Ireland where I chose to let Teagan go forever so I could be with this motherfucker,” I screamed, pointing at Nick. “I love him. I love him so much it fucking hurts. And I can’t stop it. I can’t stop any of this. I can’t stop my brother dying or Niall being without his father and I can’t stop wanting a man who is supposed to just be a friend. I will never stop. I won’t.” I moaned as I shook all over. It felt so good to finally let the reality of my pain out.

  Freddie started to get his clothes on in quick fashion and I watched him in silence as he started for the bathroom. We never even got to the good part and he was leaving. Nick sat still on the side of my bed in silence. He occasionally looked at me and sighed but remained silent in my room as I watched one lover leave and my love stay behind.

  “Nick?” I asked. “Please tell Freddie I need to talk to him.”

  Nick got up quickly and I heard murmuring in the other room. Freddie came back and sat on the bed next to me. He rubbed my back. “Oh, my American Lizzie. What can I do to help you?”

  “Freddie, I am so sorry. I should have told you about Niall when I first saw you. I should have told you about Conner when you first got here but for one night… Just for one night, I wanted to be anyone but me. I can’t imagine what you must think of me. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I never wanted to get so messed up. I was doing so well on my own, you know? My baby and Conner were everything to me.” I started to cry hard. I couldn’t speak anymore. Freddie kept rubbing my back. Occasionally, he would tell me it would be okay. Occasionally, he would kiss my temple.

  “Lizzie, I won’t say anything to Teagan. I know you didn’t tell him because he probably didn’t even want to know, right?” he asked.

  “Uh huh,” I choked out. “He didn’t want me and then he didn’t want the baby.”

  “Fucker,” he muttered under his breath. “Well, it is his loss. But that guy out there, Nick? I think he may be in love with you, Liz. I mean, he is everywhere we go. He looks at me like I am a shit. I want you to know you will always have a special place in my heart but I won’t ever look at you the way Nick does. He has it bad. I hope it works out for you and I am truly sorry for your loss.”

  I sat up and hugged Freddie goodbye. I would probably never see him again and while his absence would be hard, I wasn’t losing his friendship. If I ever needed anything, I would call him. “Hey, what did you think of Cork?” he asked with a grin.

  “That prison was pretty cool,” I muttered. Freddie laughed and gave me one more kiss on the cheek. He squeezed my hand and I watched him leave my room. Minutes later, the door closed and he was gone.

  TWENTY FOUR

  Nick came back into my room after Freddie left. With tears rolling down my face, I couldn’t look at him. I was buck naked and he had walked in on Freddie and me starting to have sex. God, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. The man I truly wanted to be with just had seen me at my worst. Drunken girl with Irish guy, my life on repeat once more.

  “I never wanted to use him. I think we just used each other all of those times. I mean, it’s not like he is staying in America for much longer,” I said. I turned away so I didn’t have to look in his eyes. I didn’t want to see the disappointment in his expression.

  “I know,” he whispered. “You were doing what felt right but Lizzie, Freddie wasn’t Teagan then. He isn’t Teagan now. He cares a great deal about you, probably more than Teagan did. I don’t say that to hurt you but I can’t imagine Teagan would have just gotten up and left like he just did. He just asked me to take care of you. Who asks that of a guy who basically kicked him out of bed with a girl?”

  “Freddie,” I deadpanned. “Freddie d
oes that.”

  He chuckled. “I guess I had him figured out wrong, huh?” Seeing as he started to break the ice with me and my wall of shame was falling down, he came and sat on my bed.

  “Nick, why are you here?” I asked. “All we do is cause each other pain. We don’t trust each other. One minute, we are kissing and it feels so right and the next we are arguing and I just want to give up on love forever.”

  “Lizzie, I need to tell you something,” he said.

  “Oh, God. Please. Just don’t. I can’t take anymore declarations or let downs. I just can’t,” I pleaded.

  “No. This isn’t about us. It’s about me. I wasn’t honest with you about why I am here in Boston. I didn’t leave Texas because of music, although it is much better up here. I left because a few years ago, my best friend was involved in a three car pileup. He remained in a coma for about a month but then we were told he was gone forever. He had no brain activity and his parents took him off life support,” he said methodically.

  “Oh shit, I am so sorry, Nick,” I gasped.

  He shook his head like he knew what it felt like to have condolences not mean shit in the moment. “I fell into a stupor and I didn’t know how to live. I lost it. He and I were best friends since grade school. Maybe even as close as you and Conner are… were. When I saw how you two got along, playing music together, it reminded me so much of Mitch and I. He was a bright guy, so smart and talented, so I know a bit about what is going through your mind.” Nick sighed and looked so serious.

  “You want to numb out. You probably want to die right alongside him. I am sorry for that. It is truly the worst fucking feeling in the entire world. I had to leave Texas. Every time I was on that downtown road, I saw it happen all over again and I wasn’t even with him. It would eat at me. I would drink and use women almost every day to numb the pain. Shit, I still did that here. When I saw the wall you put up with me at the funeral, I knew you were on your way back to the numbness. I tried to tell your parents but they are in so much pain.”

  “But what I have to say next is about us. Well, it’s about me. That day I met you in the bistro, you changed something inside me. You were a person living their life instead of just going through the motions of living. I mean, Jesus, you just had a baby and you were already back at work as a financial advisor. I was in awe. You were living life and even though I saw how hard it was on you, your confidence was palpable. You showed me what living life was supposed to be about again. Mitch didn’t want me to turn into a drunken whore. He wanted me to succeed in life and find a wonderful partner I could laugh and live with.” Nick takes a moment and contemplates something in his head. He looks back and me and continues.

  “I don’t know how you do it but when you smile, it fills my heart. Your laugh lights up my entire world. I tried to find it in other women, too. I knew I wasn’t the right person for you. Shit, you told me that in plain English. You told me you couldn’t be any more for me than a friend and I was so confused by my feelings. Not to be cocky, but no woman has ever said those words to me and I was dumbstruck. I never thought any woman would ever want to be just friends. The concept was so foreign to me. So when Anna was so interested, I got lost in that attention. When Jessica showed interest, I worked hard for her attention. She wasn’t easy.” He laughed. “She really made me work for a relationship.”

  “Stop, Nick. I don’t want to hear anymore. Please, I can do without this,” I pleaded.

  “Lizzie. I saw a future with her. Perfect and tidy. On paper, Jessica and I are wonderful together. She is successful and warm but she isn’t you. You are messy and beautiful. You are smart and so naïve. You are so giving and then so frigging selfish. You have all these different parts to you I want. I want you in my life every day. I go to bed at night thinking of you. I wake up, thinking of you,” he confessed. “That may make me the most whipped guy in the world, but I am in love with you. I love Niall, too. I loved Conner. I loved you on the stage. I just love you,” he said and I could tell he was tearing up.

  “What? Did you and Jessica break up?” I asked, looking up at him for the first time. “You broke up for me? I am a drunken whore, Nick. Why? Why would you do that?”

  He shrugged. “I wasn’t ever really with those girls. Certainly, not after I met you and definitely not after that first night we cuddled together. When we told each other we were beautiful in this bed, I fell hard. Those girls were just distractions. And then when Freddie came along, I was so bewildered. I didn’t understand why you didn’t pick me,” he said.

  “I did pick you, Nick. I didn’t want to and then I did. I always have. It’s just I wasn’t ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to trust again,” I sobbed. “I knew in Ireland I needed to come back to you. Conner actually told me, now that I think about it. Conner came into my dreams the night he died.”

  Nick’s stunned look made me laugh. “He told me to go to you. He told me you were waiting and then he was gone.”

  “It figures Conner would have the last word.” He chuckled. “The guy always knew what was right for you. He would tell me bits and pieces about your life and I fell in love more, just listening to the pride in his voice. God, if I could take back his death,” he inhaled deeply. “If I can do anything to take away your pain and help you get back to that woman I met, I will. I will do anything for you.”

  “Nick. I can’t be in this apartment anymore,” I softly said.

  “I know, baby,” he said. “I want you to come home with me.” He crawled in bed with me and hugged me tight.

  “Please don’t ever let go of me again,” I pleaded. “I need you. Maybe even for forever.”

  “Impossible,” he whispered. “I am in love with you, Lizzie O’Malley.” He stroked my hair and continued whispered how much he loved me. He told me how beautiful I was and how he had never felt as completely whole as when he was in my arms. I relished in his chest, his voice and his palpable love. I felt complete.

  An hour later, Nick had packed up clothes and some of Niall’s things. I took a long shower to rid myself of the cigarette smoke and booze. I had sobered up. Nick walked in on me and still waited to take me home with him. I wanted to feel normal again. I had a plan to stop being weak and Nick was finally part of it. He helped me into my clothes and I put my coat and boots on. When I looked around the apartment, I felt nothing for the place anymore. It wasn’t my home. “Did you get my guitar?” I asked.

  Nick nodded. “Everything is already in the car. Come on. I am going to have Drew and a couple of my other guys come help me pick up this place in the next few days.”

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I looked up into his solemn eyes and smiled. “I love you. Thank you.” I kissed him softly on the lips and he put his warm arms around me. He smelled so good and his touch was exquisite. He was amazing. He had just found me in bed and he didn’t care. He knew I was supposed to be with him. It was such powerful feelings to have a man finally know what I needed before I did. He pulled away and smirked. “Let’s get you home.”

  On the way, he picked up Chinese food from one of our favorite restaurants near my apartment. I hung my head in my hand as I took in the highway leading into the city. As he got closer to the Boston Commons, I perked up. “Nick? Where are we going?” I did not want to go out in the city tonight.

  He put his hand on mine. “We are going to my place,” he said apprehensively. I looked at him baffled and he gave me a weak smile. He drove up in front of a large brownstone building across from the Commons on Walnut Street and parked the car. I gawked at the place and nearly fell over when a valet opened my door. When Nick tossed him the keys, he said, “Audi tomorrow, please.” Audi? What Audi?

  When we stepped inside the beautiful marble floor reception area, a man in a black hat and suit approached us and gave a curt nod to both of us. “Good Evening, Mr. Sawyer,” he said, giving me a small smile.

  “Good evening, Charlie. Charlie, this is Elizabeth O’Malley, my girlfriend. She will be staying with me indefini
tely. Be sure to put her on all the necessary lists and have both my cars available to her whenever she needs them. Also, I will need a few things done to my apartment so I will send the specifications down for the maintenance crew. Bring in whoever you need to get the job done. I need to make sure the place is baby proofed,” he said in the most commanding voice I had ever heard.

  I felt like I had stepped into another universe as Nick put his arm around my shoulders and led me to the elevator. When he hit the top floor button, I went into a full on panic attack. “Oh my God. Oh my fucking God, Nick. You are in the penthouse?” I asked.

  “No, no. Not the penthouse, just the top floor. I had forgotten until I started packing your bag you have never been here. Conner was here once though,” he replied with a sad smile.

  “What? Conner was here? He didn’t tell me you were rich! What else was he keeping from me?” I asked in a total frenzy.

  The doors pinged open and we stepped into a marble floor foyer. We went to the right, which led into a modern and sleek living room. Brown leather couches and expensive paintings made up the beautiful area. Dark colors and mahogany cupboards aligned a large kitchen that overlooked the Commons.

  I twirled around the place like I was Maria in The Sound of Music and made a gasp like groan. Nick stood casually in the kitchen in a worn pair of jeans, a black hooded sweatshirt, and Adidas sneakers. Even he didn’t look like he belonged there. Was it some kind of joke? He placed our food on plates and when Charlie came in a few moments later, he addressed him to put my bags in the main bedroom. I sat down on an ottoman and was stunned into silence.

  Why did he spend all those nights in my little apartment when he had this amazing place? Of course, I never would have brought Niall there because this place was immaculate and holy shit, Niall would throw up on every piece of that expensive furniture. I put my fist up against my mouth and looked off into space. Nick approached me with dinner and sat in front of the ottoman. He smiled at me sheepishly as he handed me a plate of fried rice and chicken.